The Problem With Dating Someone Who's Not a Compatible Match

When you're in a relationship, it's easy to tell yourself you're in a good relationship, even if the signs points the other way. Even if your significant other has nothing wrong with him or her, the relationship can be unhealthy for you. When you have a relationship with someone you love, you find you're compatible in a lot more ways than when you're dating someone who's not a compatible match. But when you're dating someone who's not a compatible match, it can be easy to convince yourself that he or she is.

It's Easy to Like Someone Who Likes You

Chances are good that if you're in a relationship with someone, you like to be with that person. But that's not always the case. You might also like someone because they're different than the type of relationship you've been in before. Or because they push you to do new things. It's also easy to convince yourself that the signs that someone might not treat you right are all in your head. If the other person is treating you right, and your friends and family tell you he or she is great for you, you might start to believe he or she is a compatible match, and the right person for you, even if your gut says otherwise.

Specific Reasons People Use to Convince Themselves to Date Someone

When you're dating a compatible match, things often fall into place. You find you like the same things. You have a lot to talk about. The things you enjoy doing, he or she enjoys, as well. You like the same type of foods and you have similar lifestyles. When you're dating someone who's not a compatible match, much of this is still the same. But many people try too hard to convince themselves that this guy or gal is the right one. Some excuses include:

1-      "He (or she)'s the opposite of my ex."

Things didn't work out with your ex, obviously, so the fact that this person is different comes as a real treat. However, just because the person is different than your ex, doesn't make him or her your soul mate. The person might not even be a compatible match. Sit down and see how much you really have in common – and how much of it is just your relief that it's something new and different.

2-      "We have a lot in common."

Just because you have a lot in common doesn't mean you're a compatible match. It also doesn't mean you have chemistry. If you're trying to force something that's not there, you should probably move on.

3-      "We just want different things."

Even in a relationship even with a compatible match this can be a problem. It's one thing to want different things. It's another to be moving in completely different directions. Evaluate where you are and how similar or dissimilar your goals are. Wanting different things is a pretty good sign that you won't work.

4-      "She's fine. I'm just being too picky." It's important that you listen to what you're telling yourself. Do you really want just fine? And if you're talking about a soul mate, isn't picky a good thing? If you have doubts, there's probably a reason for them. It might just be nerves or the day, but it might be that the two of you really don't have that "thing" you need to make the relationship last.

Dating a compatible match can make your relationship a lot better. It gives you the spark you need and it keeps you from being with someone who has nothing in common with you. When you date a compatible match, there isn't that inner voice telling you you're with the wrong person. You might still have doubts from time to time, who doesn't? But on the whole, you'll know the person you're with wants what you want and loves what you love.